DC Drinks

Reviews, rantlets and ribald on all things alcoholic.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

OCD Martini-Drinking Behavior

Gin, vermouth, lemon peel, and a dash of orange bitters. Couldn't be easier, right? Wrong. Food & Wine magazine hailed 2005 as "The Year of the Cocktail", but DC Drinks now declares 2006 as the year of the OCD cocktail. Thank christ we've arrived. Let's start with the Martini.

Preparation: All your utensils, glasses, spoon, knife, etc must be laid out perfectly before you start. And timing is everything. If you pour, then start tearing up the kitchen for the fucking bitters or what-not, the drink will get warm. Go too fast with the stir, and you'll create a cloudy slurry of "floaters" (tiny ice chips - a big no no).

Chronology: The true Martini drinker (and by "true", I mean "manly") prefers a lemon twist to olive. Don't believe me? Ask Robert Bork. But the lemon rind must be cut first, otherwise while you're pouring your drink and a minute later you're carefully cutting the lemon peel, the drink is warming up, and that cannot be done. The first sip is always the best, so you don't want to miss out. Make sure you put lips to the glass before you start the process of cleaning up your mess, but after you've given the cocktail a few seconds for the lemon peel oils to float to the top. The timing is like splitting the atom.

Technique: All Martini connoisseurs stir their concoction, but it's best to put the handle of the bar spoon inside the ice and liquid ("upside down") for the stir. Otherwise, you stir with the scoop side downward, the ice breaks up, and you end up with floaters. A Martini is not a bowl of ice cream, people; it should be sharp and crisp, and not watered down.

Swiftness: Every step must be done with a snap of the wrist and a flick of the equipment but lacking any Tom Cruise Cocktail flair. Your party guests should be in awe and make comments like, "You make it look so easy". This includes not over-pouring the gin so it dribbles over your thumb, and not dropping the ice into the shaker 'til it splashes your face.

"Spirituality": Like most of you, I'm a godless atheist, and the only things I worship are the fine products that surround me. But think of the perfect Martini (not the Perfect Martini---there's a difference) as the holy grail of secular humanism. If you love humans and secularism, chances are you're an OCD Martini drinker, too.

11 Comments:

At 2:31 AM, Anonymous Rick said...

Lonnie,

You have prompted me to make myself a martini; thank you.

The chill problem can be grave indeed. After doing much experimentation, I came up with a method that gets the cocktail significantly colder w/o any crazy or pompous effort. I could post it here, but you wouldn't believe me w/o reading all the methods I tried.

Cocktail Chill - A Scientific Experiment

 
At 2:56 AM, Blogger Lonnie Bruner said...

Ladies and Gentlemen, Rick's link further proves my point that the OCD Cocktail trend is in full effect for 2006.

Mixology nerds, feel free to emerge from the trenches ... an new era is upon us.

 
At 7:34 AM, Anonymous Jamie Boudreau said...

Great Blog....I can't believe it took me so long to find you guys.
I'll be back.

 
At 3:01 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

Gentlemen: I read about an interesting martini idea in Boston Magazine last night. Given...it might taste like total swill, but here it is:

Sorellina's Antipasti Martini (makes six 7-oz. drinks)

1 red bell pepper, diced
1 yellow bell pepper, diced
1 orange bell pepper, diced
1 green bell pepper, diced
4 poblano peppers, diced
1 small carrot, diced
1/2 cucumber, sliced
1/2 stalk celery, sliced
1 1/2 liters Ketel One vodka
18 large green olives, pitted
18 oz. crumbled blue cheese

1) Place first eight ingredients in a lidded container. Pour 1/3 liter of vodka over mixture. Cover and set aside, allowing vodka to infuse for 24 hours.

2) Strain inufsed vodka; set aside.

3) Stuff an ounce of blue cheese into each olive. Spear three olives with a toothpick.

4) Fill martini shaker with ice. Mix 5 1/2 ounces vodka with 1 1/2 ounces infusion. Strain and pour into chilled glass. Garnish with olives.

I have NO idea why they switched from liters to ounces, but so it goes.

 
At 3:10 PM, Blogger Lonnie Bruner said...

Cube,

That's a salad, not a cocktail.

 
At 4:33 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

It does sound disgusting, doesn't it? I kept thinking it would be rendolent with bell pepper and blue cheese...and then peppery? Uh....no thanks. Mixology truly is an art.

 
At 9:04 PM, Blogger Ima Wurdibitsch said...

Great article and an excellent link to information on making a Martini that is perfect. I found this after posting my own little mini-rant on cocktails. I'll be sure to check back on your blog freqently. Good stuff. Good stuff.

 
At 6:08 AM, Blogger JacquelineC said...

love this blog...if my muse did not require such constant lubrication, I might have found you sooner...

check my posts on drinking etiquette...

http://leatherdistrictgourmet.blogspot.com

 
At 9:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do yourself a favor and try a gibson. You'll never get one unless you make it yourself, but once you do...

Just make sure it's the onion only, very little brine.

And use Bombay Gin, not Bombay Sapphire. The old stuff lets you know it's gin.

And Noilly Prat dry vermouth. Hands down the best there is.

 
At 2:21 AM, Blogger lillian said...

I recently came across your blog and have been reading along. I thought I would leave my first comment. I don't know what to say except that I have enjoyed reading. Nice blog. I will keep visiting this blog very often.


Sarah

http://adoptpet.info

 
At 1:24 AM, Anonymous acid reflux disease treatment said...

I have been searching good details about this matter for a while and I gotta say you post gives me some general thought about my paper I'm gonna write for my assignment. I would really like copy a few of your words here and I hope you don't mind. Thanks. I will reference your work of course. Thank you.Maintain updating the good posts. will come back.

 

Post a Comment

<< Home