The crappier the liquor, the more awesomer the promo party.

Apparently that's a known truism among the restaurant-working set, but I saw it for myself tonight at Smirnoff's hot sneak preview of the new James Bond movie, Casino Royale.

See, vodka is the most boring choice among the pantheon of alcohols, but through slick marketing and the public's lazy tastebuds it's become the liquor du jour.

Strangely, at the bottom of the vodka slag heap (at least in consumers' minds) lies Smirnoff---technically the first vodka exported to the West (France) after WWII.

So since all the vodka makers can't compete on the taste of their product (it has none), and there's a new brand of the shit hitting the shelf weekly, vodka producers throw all sorts of razz-matazz, pomp and circumstance at potential consumers. Hence, the promo party I attended tonight.

Smirnoff gave 100 people free liquor at an expensive DC restaurant, hor douvres were offered like it was a wedding reception, and they gave out free cocktail shakers and box sets of the entire Bond collection. Then they loaded our drunk asses into two massive tour buses to escort us four (4) blocks to the movie theater.

One word about the new Bond flick: it contains the most homoerotic S & M scene that rivals even Top Gun and Priscilla Queen of the Desert. No kidding.

Go see it. Smirnoff wants you to!