DC Drinks

Reviews, rantlets and ribald on all things alcoholic.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Please Don't Molest the Bartender: A Cautionary Tale for Wild Women

I don't know, maybe my posts are growing more and more socially conservative but I have to admit that as a bartender I've seen people at their absolute worst.

I remember repeatedly chastising two obstinate, well-soiled senior-citizen-aged drunks (a man and women) for raising their voices at the bar only to watch them slap each other's face and then make out--drool pouring from the sides of their mouths like St. Bernards and seemingly doubling their high by inhaling the alcohol from each other's breath. That was bad.

I have to report that despite seeing this and worse, I'm certain I have not truly seen the worst--not yet. In the meantime, here's close.

Some fifteen women came in to my bar the other day. They were carrying a blow-up doll and one was dressed in the pre-requisite bridal headgear for a bachorlerette party. They were all skanked out and "wild" acting, meaning drinking shots and using sexual terminology freely and loudly. Oh, so wild. It was embarrassing.

Now before I get lambasted for holding double standards, if they were guys with a female blow-up doll and saying the same they would have been removed for making obscene and lewd gestures. So the double standard worked in these skanks' favor.

As one of the bartenders walked outside of the bar, a women from the gaggle of trixies grabbed him and whispered, "Wanna do something wild?" And then molested his lads as if they were stress relieving Chinese metal balls in the palm of the hand.

What's worse is that another women filmed it. Perhaps for the next episode of Bartenders Caught Off Gaurd by Really Wild Women Who Like to Fondle Nuts. He shrugged it off but it was obvious he felt like a jackass.

So this is a cautionary tale. Women, men too, stop acting like complete morons when you come in contact with alcohol. Drunkeness is the not the problem. Egging each other on to do progressively stupider and stupider things is the problem. When reaching the point where you lose self control, consider leaving the public realm. And, above all, don't molest the bartender!